Being a mom has plenty of challenges. Society’s message to moms is that alcohol is a coping mechanism to relax at the end of a stressful day. In reality, alcohol makes motherhood so much harder.
Did you know that 1 in 8 women in the United States struggles with excessive alcohol use? As a mother myself, I’ve experienced just how challenging motherhood can be when you’re drinking. In this article, we’ll explore 9 ways alcohol makes motherhood harder.
1. Energy Drain
There are a few ways alcohol makes motherhood harder by affecting your energy levels. As a mom, you need every ounce of energy available to you to make the best of each day. When you’re not feeling your best, you’re stuck in survival mode.
These are the biggest culprits of drained energy:
Sleep Disruption
Alcohol acts as a sedative. In the evenings especially, it makes you lethargic and can even help you fall asleep faster. But once your body metabolizes the alcohol a few hours later, you lose out on deep REM sleep and enter the lightest stage sleep cycle which can lead to more frequent waking and difficulty falling asleep again.
Short term, you may experience middle of the night wake ups where you miss out on quality sleep and are more tired the next day. It’s hard enough to get good sleep with young kids, don’t put yourself at more of a disadvantage.
Long term, alcohol can lead to insomnia, excessive snoring, and sleep apnea. Read more about it at SleepFoundation.org.
Hangovers
If you feel miserable when you wake up, even a regular day with basic responsibilities is a struggle. When you add kids to the mix, littles whose lives can’t be put on hold so you can take a sick day, you will regret your choice to drink the night before.
Decreased Stamina
Even if you only drink a little bit every week, over time your daily stamina levels decrease. You’ll find yourself needing to rest more often, not being up for fun adventures with your kids, and getting more easily frustrated and angry.
Your energy depletion can be such a gradual process, that you don’t even realize has happened until you’ve been experiencing it for months.
This was my biggest “why” for taking a break from alcohol. The mom guilt was overwhelming when my daughter would beg to walk to the playground every day, and I was too tired to go and play with her. Being a better mom for her inspired me to give sobriety a real try.
2. Mood Swings
Alcohol affects the part of your brain that controls emotional regulation. When you have a drink, you may initially feel more relaxed, confident, and less anxious. After time passes, you begin to feel sad, anxious and overly emotional.
It can take anywhere from 20 minutes to a few hours to feel the effect on your mood, and because it takes so long, your brain and body don’t register that alcohol is the cause. So it doesn’t think to protect itself by not drinking.
How it makes motherhood harder
Alcohol is a depressant. Over time, it can have a more permanent effect on your emotional state, leading to depression and anxiety. It can also cause, or worsen, PPD and PPA.
Long term drinking also makes you quicker to anger, more easily triggered and overwhelmed, and MUCH less patient.
Prior to sobriety, I truly thought I was a calm and patient mom. After a few months, I found myself easily navigating toddler tantrums that used to drive me crazy. I was better able to understand the cause of my daughter’s big emotions and help address her needs. We learned to work through things much better, without as many meltdowns.
A desire for energy is what inspired my sobriety. Having the emotional fortitude to support my daughter through the terrible twos is what keeps me sober.
3. Clouded Judgment
There are so many decisions you are responsible for making for your family.
While drinking, your decisions are less dependable and less predictable. From potentially driving them home after drinks out at dinner, to inconsistently enforcing boundaries and routines. All of it makes your kids feel like you are not their safe person.
You’re at risk of making poor decisions regarding their safety. You’re at risk of not being physically able to help them if they need it. You are not a safe place for them to open up emotionally and be vulnerable with.
Sobriety makes you dependable and gives you and your kids confidence in your ability to parent them well.
4. Financial Strain
There are a variety of financial implications associated with drinking that negatively impact so many families and relationships. Here are just a few financial ways that alcohol makes motherhood harder.
Purchasing Alcohol
Alcohol is expensive, and those costs are only increasing.
Let’s say you buy a $15 bottle of wine and have 1 glass per day. That equates to about $1400 per year. If you up your intake to a bottle a day, that’s $5,500 per year on alcohol.
That doesn’t take into account more expensive drinks at restaurants, the cost of having a variety of drink types at home, or having multiple drinkers in a household. The costs can add up quickly.
Impulse Shopping
Going back to clouded judgment…. have you ever sat down with a glass of wine in the evening to do some online shopping? Either for clothes, groceries, or an amazon order?
I’ve definitely found myself buying random things I don’t need because it seemed like a good idea at the time. Over time, those purchases can add up to a pretty significant number.
Health costs
Regular alcohol consumption causes a variety of long term health issues. From sleep apnea, to diabetes, to cancer, the cost of managing complicated health issues can be huge. It can also impact the cost of your healthcare insurance premiums.
Income and Job Productivity
Alcohol affects your energy and motivation levels. You are less likely to perform well at your job while drinking (especially if you’re heavily drinking). This also makes you less likely to be promoted, and puts your future career growth and income potential at risk.
Worse case scenario, drinking puts your job at risk, leading to performance reviews or loss of employment.
5. Health Consequences
Alcohol is known to cause or worsen a huge variety of health related issues. Here are just a few:
- Liver diseases
- Heart diseases
- Stroke risk
- 7 different types of cancer
- Diabetes
- Sexual & reproductive health
- Insomnia & Sleep Apnea
- Anemia
- High Cholesterol
- Vision Issues
- Tooth decay
- Digestive issues
- Ulcers & hemorrhoids
- Weaker Immune system
- Skin issues
- Weight gain & obesity
- Bone density
- Memory and concentration issues
This doesn’t take into account injuries or accidents that might happen while you’re under the influence.
These issues might not sound concerning to you right now. You think they’ll develop over time, if at all, and that you’ll know when you’re at risk and can change your habits before it’s an issue.
If they’ve started to develop already, you’ll rationalize that alcohol probably isn’t the cause.
The truth is, most people don’t know about these health issues until it’s too late. And many doctors will downplay the effect that alcohol can have on them.
Do your own research, and consider taking an extended break from alcohol to see if worrisome health markers improve. You won’t know until you try!
6. Relationship Issues
Alcohol will have the biggest impact on your romantic relationship, partner or spouse. You live everyday life with each other, and depend on one another in SO many ways.
When you’re not able to show up as a reliable partner, if you’re not emotionally available, or you’re quick to anger, place blame, or start crying… your relationship that should be a safe place and source of strength for you becomes the opposite.
Think about how you approach difficult conversations with your partner. Do you find yourself easily angered, emotional or tearful?
Alcohol also impacts relationships with other friends and family. The people you spend time with are influenced by your drinking. Are there certain people you hang out with, or only do specific things with, because you’ll be drinking with them?
Are there people you would have a harder time staying sober around? Either because you would be more tempted to drink, or you just don’t enjoy their company otherwise.
Are your loved ones unable to depend on you, talk with you or spend time around you because of your drinking? Do they get easily frustrated with you when you drink?
Spend some time thinking about the state of your relationships, and whether they could benefit from more emotional stability on your part.
7. Missing Out on Memories
Being under the influence of alcohol makes motherhood harder by preventing you from being present in the moment.
It keeps you from noticing small things. It affects your memory and you may forget what happened while you were drinking. Or you might forget to do something you’d promised to do.
It makes you less able to plan family adventures, and to join in the fun and play with your kids (or it makes playing less enjoyable). You might be missing out on important milestones and events in your kids’ lives.
Being physically & emotionally present will be so meaningful to both you and your children. And not being available will lead to long term regrets and mom guilt.
While you can try to repair damage after the fact, and hope to do better in the future, some things you’ll only get so many chances to be a part of.
Drinking also affects how you spend your time. Time spent drinking, or recovering from drinking, means time away from your family. It also means time spent not being productive, in ways that could have benefited you personally or professionally. It makes you more likely to procrastinate or neglect your responsibilities.
8. Modeling Behavior for Your Kids
Kids notice so much more than you think, at a much earlier age than you’d expect. They see when you’re drinking, and how it affects your mood. They see how it impacts your social life, and whether you take drinking seriously, or whether you are irresponsible with it.
Your kids will form their beliefs of alcohol based on your behavior and relationship with it. Model the drinking habits you hope for them to have themselves some day.
There is an increased risk of substance abuse in kids whose parents are alcohol-dependent. According to American Addiction Centers, 53% of kids whose parents have Alcohol Use Disorder show evidence of alcohol or drug use disorder, and tend to start using substances earlier and faster than children whose parents don’t have AUD.
Think about your parents’ relationship with alcohol. And your grandparents. You have the opportunity to break the cycle of generational alcohol misuse, or to prevent it from being the legacy you pass down to your kids.
9. Neglecting Self-Care
Society would have you believe that prime self-care for a mom is a glass of wine at the end of the day, maybe sitting out on the porch or soaking in a bath.
In reality it saps your energy, disrupts your sleep, dehydrates you, prevents you from getting proper nutrition, makes you gain weight, and overall just drags down the quality of your life.
The true self-care that all moms need is to meet their primary physical and mental care requirements. Eat nutritional food that fuels your body. Hydrate. Move your body. Get quality sleep. Find peace, joy, and inspiration for personal growth.
Alcohol Makes Motherhood Harder
Hopefully this has shed some light on the many ways alcohol makes motherhood harder. Drinking doesn’t just affect us, it ripples through every aspect of our families lives.
The good news is, you know enough to do better. Recognizing these issues is the first step towards changing your relationship with alcohol and improving your life in a myriad of ways. Both you and your kids deserve the best version of you. And trust me, it’s worth the effort to break free of the drinking cycle!
Whether you’re considering cutting back or find yourself needing more support to stop drinking altogether, remember: you’re not alone.
Check out this post on taking a break from alcohol and some tools you can use to set yourself up for success.
xo Kaylie
